frustrated

well, it's been a while since i posted anything on here so here goes. i've been picking up this chick veronica on my way to work and stuff, she works on 1009 she took my spot on there and i took back mine on 1042. she lives in scottsburg just turn left at the cvs go like 2 miles and boom it's there so it's not outta my way anymore than going to get gas. she's a really sweet chick, she's a widower with 3 grls, her grls are so cute!! she's been having issues with her truck and so she hasn't been able to drive, we were doing it to where she drove one week i drove another but she had to get something done to the axle? not real sure, i kinda tuned out when she told me. haha. but i enjoy having someone to talk to on the way to work, she's had a really tough life and she all the time tells me that she is grateful for me, and i just take her to and from work. i mean it's not outta the way. tonight on the way home she started crying i was like whats wrong and she just said that she really appreciates me and she's not used to people helping her out without expecting anything. because i know she struggles with 3 grls and she has a house and stuff it's tough so i try to show her that there are people out there who are nice, and we talk about thebible and stuff and i tell her you know i'm a christian and thats is why there is such a huge difference between me and everyone else and she sees that. but she did give me a lil gas money and i hated to take it but she wouldn't take no for an answer. i'm the type of person who wants to do something for somebody because i can and i hate taking money or whatever from people. she's offered me gas money before but i wouldn't take it but she practically shoved it down my throat cus i know she feels bad and wants to help out. but i feel like i am rewarded everyday not with money or anything for helping her out, cus i set an example for her and her grls they don't understand why i'm so nice, and really i'm just trying to explain that for me it's not te money and yes i do need it but i'm not standing there with my hand out, cus i know when she has it she'll give it to me. like the 2nd week of the month is when she get's ike her husbands check or whatever andshe said she's going to give me money then, i know what it's like to not have money, and i'm blssed and i just wanna help others out, but sometimes people do take advantage but if i feel like she is then i'll stop picking her up. anyways i like helping people out. you know i don't understand theres a grl i work with she's real cool and stuff shes kinda like i don't know how to say it motherly at work towards me, making sure i have lunch or drink or that i have my coat but she has trouble trusting me because i don't get into fiights and stuff with my coworkers or with my head people, and i don't get into trouble. i think she might be jealous, cus she is one day nice or whatever and caring towards me and than sometimes she just keeps to herself and whatever, it's hard to explain, she's had it rough to she had an abusive husband and they divoced and so i think she just has a hard time trusting people, but i get tired of tiptoeing around her and making sure i don't hurt her felings. she's one of those people who can be a great friend or ur worst enemy. and like she'll get into a fight with another coworker or whatever i'll get pulled aside with tony asking me what all was said and what happened and i get tired of being put in the middle of stuff just cus i happen to be standing there doing my job. what do i do in that situation? i don't wanna get in the middle but i don't wanna make tony mad... but really he should just go to her, she'll tell him what happened. she's not shy, see she has the attitude of well i was looking for a job when i found this one... type of thing doens't really care. bt i think she just has a lot of fear and anger and mistrust in her. i try to fix other peoples problems and my therapist tells me i can't but i still try and i try to not make waves or have drama but it's so tiring. like tony whn i had a bunch of bad parts and he gave me a verbal for it he stood there in front of everyone yelling at me, and ya;ll know me i mean it took everything i had not to break down bawling, but i don't wanna be seen as weak so i didn't, well i did't yell back at him either and it made him even madder, he's used to people yelling back at him and talking back and i don't do that, like when he gave me my warning he asked if i had antything to add or whatever and i said no and he's like nothing? i said there is nothing i can say it was my fault and arguing and making excuses doesn't chage that i deserve my warning and i can guarantee it'll never happen again. and he was like oh ok he was shocked cus he's not used to that. see i wanna go in and do the best job i can do and that's it, i don't wanna argue and stuff. a lot of people there do though. just like if i have a problem i don't run to tony like others like say someone on our line isn't following standardized work, that's on them that is there choice to disobey and they'll get in trouble for it but some people feel the need to run to tony and tattle and that is stupid he doesn't have time to babysit our line which he ends up doing. a couple people they'll blame anyone else they can so they don't get in trouble, or they'll say well i saw her do this and this to so it wasn't just me, like taking others down with them. i mean is' just such stupid stuff! big babys! were all adults let's act like it, that's my attitude but somany people on that line don't act like it they act like big babys. but whaever i need to go to bed now. ciao!