last blog

well i had a whole blog wrote on that last one but for ome reason it didn't post it only the title and didn't feel l ike posting another one. i stayed home from work today i just feel so run down and i've had a mild fever the last 2 days, but i had a drs appt set up for a couple weeks now for an annual checkup with my gyno and didn't wanna cancel. i just figured i should start getting annual checkups it was awful i just laid there and cried i don't wanna do it again but i know i need to. amanda you need to to! now i know why u hated them mom. awful. i was watching gilmore grls tonight and i just wanted to say a few things to my mom. i know it seems like i don't need you but it's soo not true i need you but i'm trying not to need you, i don't know if that makes sense i dunno. i love you super super much and my first night here i just cried myself to sleep cause i didn't wanna move and be by myself i wanted to stay in the comfort of the house, it gets so lonely sometimes and it seems like i don't wanna be down there on the weekends and it's only because i have to go home to an empty house and if i'm not having a good time or connecting with ya'll then it doesn't hurt as much, but i realized it's super unhealthy. and hurtful to you and i'm so sorry cus the last thing i want to do is hurt you. i love you mommy. the reason gilmore grls sparked that is cus i watched the 7th season so sad. well i g2g and take a nice shower and clean up the living room and my room.