confused

well i know it's been awhile since i updated but i've been very busy with work and attempting to get some sleep. i'm so glad we only work till wednesday. i'm at a crossroad right now as far as the church goes. i want to stay there for cortney but it's not healthy for me, mom and them want me to go to manville but i don't wanna go there it's to far and not what i'm looking for. so as you can see i have some hard decicions to make. i just don't know, i really really don't wanna leave cortney but it gets harder an harder every week to go there, i feel like i need a breather i geuss not from church but from our church and i have no where to go really. because i know that my family likes manville but a big church is not for me, like with all the people and stuff my nerves would be going haywire. it's just good weeks and bad weeks and it's nothing that any one person has done or not done or whatever i just feel empty and maybe it's just me and not the church maybe i've lost touch in my spiritual life i mean i defineletly need to study and pray more so that could be it. i just feel like i need a breather and a chance to step back and really focus on whats gonna be right for me and i still have to think about other people to, i don't know. i do know something needs to change. but like i said it very well could just be me and really i hope that's what it is, but i need to figure that out and i just don't know how i can. i'm just really frustrated this may seem outa the blue but i've been thinking for a long time that there was something not right or that i'm missing something maybe it's my life. i don't know. i do know that i am very very frustrated about the whole tattoo thing that i'm not allowed to get anymore and i understand and i won't until i move out but it just makes me wanna move out just for that reason, and that's not a healthy good choice, i can't afford it right now anyways. i know noone understands about my rememberance tattoo for grandma but i know that it would be such a release for me. but i like i said will obey my parents in that as well as everything else. well i hope no one is mad or anything at me but i needed to get all this off my chest i really need to get my therapy going every week again.